Monday, August 22, 2011

The Metallic Mixture of Major Pain

I was recently in the mood to re-watch the big ol’ sweaty sack of action that is One Tough Bastard. Along with the mystical presence of Brian Bosworth in centre bulldozer position, one of my fave things about this flick is Bruce Payne’s role as villain Karl Savak. Experiencing the movie again made me realize that Savak is in fact a hybrid of metal bassists Joey DeMaio of Manowar and David Vincent from Morbid Angel. The way they look, the manor in which they speak, it’s chilling, really. DeMaio and Vincent have most likely shared the same festival stage at some point. Potentially, if they had a threesome with a stripper named Karla and their combined ejaculate was forged together into a single egotistical steel-tipped sperm missile that penetrated and fertilized one of her “over easys,” the resulting offspring would be... Agent Karl Savak.

"You like countin', don't you John?"

"John. The countin'. You like it. Don't you?"

"That's right, John. I like countin' too. And I'm doin' it right now inside here! Who's fuckin' with me!?!"

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